🌍 The Great Balloon Experiment That Backfired
It started, as all bad ideas do, with a group of self-declared “science enthusiasts” — known affectionately in Flat Earth circles as globturds. Their mission? To “once and for all prove Earth’s curvature” by launching a weather balloon with a GoPro strapped on.
Their plan seemed simple:
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Inflate a balloon.
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Strap on a camera.
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Send it skyward.
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Wait for the magical “curve” to appear.
The problem? Reality had other plans.
Instead of filming the endless void of outer space like their glossy NASA posters promised, the balloon’s footage revealed something far more humiliating: giant ceiling fans bolted to the Dome.
Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it turns out the sky has ventilation.
🎥 The Launch: “Science in Action”
The launch day was hyped up like the Super Bowl of science fairs.
Dozens of globe believers gathered with their cargo shorts, clipboards, and $12 Walmart sunglasses. The local news even showed up, with one reporter asking, “So, you’re going to prove the Earth isn’t flat today?”
“Absolutely,” said lead organizer Brad, proudly holding a balloon pump.
“We’ve got state-of-the-art technology here. This baby will go 120,000 feet up. When we get the curve on camera, there’ll be no more arguments.”
What Brad didn’t mention is that their “state-of-the-art technology” was basically duct tape, helium, and a GoPro bought on clearance.
The balloon rose. The crowd cheered. Globturds hugged each other like they’d just cured cancer.
📡 Rising to Glory… and Disaster
For the first 10,000 feet, everything went as planned. The GoPro recorded crisp blue skies, some fluffy clouds, and the occasional confused seagull.
At 50,000 feet, the believers started fist-pumping.
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“Look, the horizon!”
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“It’s curving, right? I can almost see it curving!”
Flat Earthers online, watching the live stream, commented:
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“It’s flat, champ. Your ruler says so.”
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“Adjust your lens, Brad. It’s not curving, it’s fisheye.”
By 90,000 feet, the camera revealed something shocking.
Not the curve.
Not space.
Not the International Space Swimming Pool™.
But the faint outline of… a ceiling.
💡 The Big Reveal: Ceiling Fans of the Dome
At around 110,000 feet, the balloon’s camera tilted just right and captured the unthinkable:
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Steel beams crossing the sky like a stadium roof.
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Bolts and panels glinting in the sunlight.
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And worst of all, a row of giant industrial ceiling fans, spinning lazily above Earth.
One of the balloon team gasped on livestream:
“Wait… are those… fans?”
Indeed, the footage clearly showed the Dome’s ventilation system — proof that not only does the Dome exist, but it comes with climate control.
Flat Earthers erupted into cheers. Globe believers pretended their internet had cut out.
🧯 NASA’s Desperate Cover-Up
Within minutes, NASA issued a press release:
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First they claimed the footage was “digitally altered.”
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Then they said the fans were “weather balloons reflecting sunlight.”
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Finally, they called it “space debris shaped like fans.”
But their excuses fell flat.
The video clearly showed a serial number on one fan: Property of NASA, 1962.
😂 Internet Meltdown: Memes Galore
The internet did what it does best — meme the disaster into oblivion.
Highlights included:
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A photo of a living room ceiling fan with the caption: “NASA’s new ISS footage.”
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A balloon tied to a Home Depot ceiling fan: “Reenactment of Brad’s experiment.”
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Someone edited the livestream to add workers in hard hats cleaning the Dome with Windex.
Within hours, #CeilingFanGate was trending worldwide.
🧠 Scientific “Explanations”
Globturds, desperate to salvage their dignity, began spouting excuses:
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“It’s just lens distortion.”
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“That’s an optical illusion.”
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“Ceiling fans don’t exist at 120,000 feet.”
One “expert” even claimed the fans were part of a new atmospheric circulation project funded by Elon Musk.
“It’s not a Dome. It’s climate engineering.”
Flat Earthers responded:
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“If your explanation involves Elon Musk, you’ve already lost.”
🦕 Flat Earther Victory Laps
Flat Earth forums exploded with joy. For years, they’ve been mocked, censored, and told to “go back to school.” Now, they had footage of NASA’s ceiling fans dangling above the world like a cosmic embarrassment.
Quotes from the community:
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“We don’t need science. We’ve got ceiling fans.”
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“Next time, let’s film the light switches.”
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“Imagine paying taxes to run Dome AC.”
🧩 Side Stories: The Fallout
The fallout was massive — and hilarious.
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Amazon sold out of ceiling fans within 48 hours.
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Conspiracy merch sites released shirts saying: “I Survived CeilingFanGate.”
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A TikTok trend began where kids pointed their phone cameras at ceiling fans while whispering, “Wake up, sheeple.”
Even late-night comedians got in on the fun:
“So apparently Earth has a ceiling fan. Finally, a scientific explanation for bad hair days.”
🛠️ Maintenance Crew Rumors
Leaked photos showed helicopters hovering near the supposed impact site. Some claim NASA dispatched a “Dome Maintenance Crew” to polish the fans and tighten bolts.
One anonymous insider admitted:
“Yeah, we grease the fans every six months. Keeps the climate steady. Florida humidity would be unbearable otherwise.”
🔮 What’s Next?
Globturds insist they’ll launch another balloon soon, this time with two GoPros and a drone. Flat Earthers are already buying popcorn, waiting for the sequel:
“Globe Believers Launch Drone — Accidentally Film Dome’s Light Switch.”
🚨 Final Thought
The balloon experiment was supposed to be the final nail in the coffin for Flat Earth theories. Instead, it hammered the coffin shut on globe believers’ credibility.
They wanted the curve.
They got ceiling fans.
And somewhere, in a dark NASA boardroom, an intern is being yelled at for forgetting to turn the Dome fans off before launch.
